allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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