I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
