Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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