Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
