I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
