Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize