I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize