so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she told me i tasted like america
There r osticjed everywhere
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
