It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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