Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
