I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
