Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
