being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What a dumb baby whore.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
