I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
