At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
