Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
