I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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