Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
