He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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