I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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