I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
