Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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