I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
