I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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