i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
