I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
