how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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