She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
