Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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