I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
