playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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