dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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