i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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