Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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