grandma shit on top of the toilet
two words: eviction party
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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