guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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