my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
