Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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