Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
