I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
