Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
