im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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