do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
