Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
