Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
