I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
