walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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