girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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