Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
