i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
