I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
