So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
