He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
