oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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