I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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