I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
