I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
