I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I touched a dick in church today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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