can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
