I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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