Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
